


god i’m so blue (know we’re through)

by fromis_9



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Like Really Fucking Sad, M/M, Mentioned Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Suh Youngho | Johnny-centric, could be canon?, if you cry i’m sorry, johnny is driving, wrote this while listening to drivers license
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:07:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromis_9/pseuds/fromis_9
Summary: johnny drives through ten’s suburbs
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	god i’m so blue (know we’re through)

**Author's Note:**

> recommend you listen to driver’s license while reading :)

Hand's gripped around the wheel and foot pressed against the accelerator, going miles over the speed limit and eyes filled to the brim with tears—making it nearly impossible to see. That's how Johnny had been finding himself recently, drowning his own heartbreak with the sound of his tires screeching against the black concrete, leaving nasty marks much like the ones that were painted over his own heart. Engraved in his mind were the last words Ten had murmured to him before he left. They were burned in the flesh of his skin, like a tattoo that the strongest of lasers could never remove.

Johnny had never experienced anything like this feeling. The feeling of seeing your world crumble into pieces before your very eyes, or watching somebody hold your heart—something so delicate, so fragile, and crushing it in their palm. He felt lost, and no matter how many rights he took it was always in the wrong direction. Farther and farther away from the only person he ever loved, the person who promised him forever and happily ever after. Everything around him was tainted with Ten, he was in everything Johnny saw yet he was nowhere near him at all. Ten was so far out of his reach, it didn't matter how many circles Johnny drove around his suburbs or how many places he had visited that he knew Ten loved. He was never there, yet his scent covered every object and he was in every table, painting, and song.

It was impossible to get rid of the boy from his thoughts, Johnny was alone for the first time since he had met Ten. Deserted and left to pick up the pieces of his own broken heart with nothing but his bruised and tattered hands. The shards ripped through his skin like paper, and with every cut came blood, and with every drop of blood came a scream so loud it shattered the scattered pieces into a million more. It was a never-ending cycle, something that went on and on and on—never stopping or pausing to let Johnny take a breath.

It was a hard reality to deal with, that Ten didn't love him anymore. That he had already found someone else, hair lighter than his and brain more matured. Sometimes he wondered if Ten ever really loved him if he meant the words he said or the kisses shared with the moon nipping at their skin—if the laughter under the stoplights was real or something he forced. He gave Ten everything he had, everything he knew and had ever owned. God fucking dammit he would've given him the sky and everything that hung in it if he asked.

Johnny felt a new string of tears roll down his face, his knuckles almost the color of his white-painted car—the one he got because Ten had asked him to. His heart clenched and he let out a nasty sob, screaming until his voice was hoarse and no sound came out. He paid no mind to the speed he was going or how his gas tank was nearly empty, he heard his car hiss out of exhaustion and that just fueled him even more. He wanted something to be able to relate to his pain, the loss he felt. The suffocating feeling that was eating him up inside.

He was drowning, gasping for air only to inhale more water that caused him to sink deeper. His arms and legs thrashed around, begging to be brought back to the surface, to feel the warm lips of the sun kissing his forehead, and to hear the birds speak to him. Yet this only tired him out more, until he no longer had the energy to move anymore or ask for air—it was over, he had lost. Surrendered himself to the rough current of the ocean, letting himself be thrown and tossed around until he could no longer feel. No longer feel the familiar sting of saltwater burning at his eyes or the cold arms of seaweed, dragging him farther into the darkness of his own heartbreak.

Johnny was oblivious as to where he was going, driving without a purpose as he just let whatever was left of his heart guide him to the place he wanted to be at the most. He drove past Ten's street, foot slamming down on the break. He looked over at his passenger's side—he was alone. So very alone. Yet he let himself imagine what it would be like to have Ten by his side one last time. To feel their hands intertwined and to hold onto him as tightly as he could, promising to fix his mistakes and correct whatever he had done. Whisper how much he loved him, how he knew they weren't perfect and that he knew they were young, and in the same breath, he wanted to whisper how they had promised each other forever. Promised to hold onto each other for as long the earth willed it so—love each other until their last breath.

"I love you, forever."

Johnny sat parked on Ten's street, tears had long dried on his face and his mouth was pleading for water. His throat burned in agony and all the words he wished he could say, he was falling apart. Everything at once, slipping through his fingers, like sand in a sieve. He was numb all over, no longer able to feel the beating of his own heart or hear his breaths come in—rapid and shallow. He envied Ten for being able to move on so fast, almost tried to hate him for the amount of pain he subjected Johnny too. But he knew it was a lost cause, Ten was not somebody who was meant to be hated or envied. Ten was made to be loved—held in the gentle caress of the one who loved him the most. Kissed all over and reminded every day of the warmth he brought into this world as well as everything he would take into the next. He was crafted by the hands of Athena and given the promise of love and happiness.

It was written into the sky that Ten was meant to be treated with care and to be loved. And Johnny, no matter how deep into the ocean he had sunk or how many bruises had formed on his milky white skin—he would always love the boy. For he was everything from the soil in the earth to the sun that shone brightly even in the midnight sky. He made the world a better place, a place ridden of war and crime, but filled with daisies and a gentle breeze. Ten was a risk worth taking, the mistake that Johnny would never regret.

Johnny loves Ten, and he always will—because no matter how far away he drives, how many miles he spends on the interstate, or how many laps he makes around the suburbs—He will always end up in the same place, car parked on the sidewalk, fresh tears climbing down his skin flushed red. Head resting on the wheel, forehead slick with sweat and foot pressing against the brake so hard he can feel his toes starting to cramp. But none of that matters to him, because for Johnny, sitting on the streets of Ten's suburbs—is home.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated <3


End file.
